


The Desolation of Smaug

by Bam4Me



Series: Happy Gay People [2]
Category: The Hobbit
Genre: Domestic, Gen, M/M, Sequel, Smaug is a cat, Smeagol is a cat too, Tattoo parlor AU, an evil cat, flower shop au, they steal things, thorin and bilbo are raising frodo together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2908583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bam4Me/pseuds/Bam4Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, smaug shows up, makes a mess of things. That's what cats do though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Desolation of Smaug

"Yavana above, why, Thorin, is there already paint in your hair? It's naught but six-thirty in the morning, it's too early for this."

Thorin sighed and pried the tiny four year old off his chest, smiling when he went with a complacency that he would have never possessed a year before. "Um, Frodo got up early today, I think he found his paints. We had an impromptu bath this morning before you got out of the shower. I thought I got everything. Oh well."

Bilbo couldn't hold back his smile at the 'whatever' tone Thorin seemed to be sporting today. Either he was much more amused by this situation than he should be, or so exasperated that he didn't know what to do with himself. Bilbo decided not to take any chances and walked up behind him where he was slicing an apple and handing over pieces to Frodo while trying to convince him to eat his oatmeal too and reached out for Thorin's shoulders, digging into the muscle in a soothing why as he watched his boys.

"You planning on going to work with paint in it?"

Thorin sighed and shrugged, "Well, I'm not awake enough yet to stand in a shower, and it's gonna get tied up anyways. Is it that bad?"

Bilbo chuckled and leaned onto Thorin's back, arms going around his front and tangling in his shirt, "Nah, it's fine. Just some strands oddly coloured red. You'll be fine."

Thorin nodded a little and reached out to try and wipe some mystery smudges off of Frodo cheek with a yawn. Bilbo just batted his hands away and took over for him. Frodo clung to his arm and looked distrustfully at Thorin as he pulled back, before moving on to trying to get away from Bilbo.

Bilbo stopped and brushed it off as a lost cause, moving to get himself a glass of orange juice before going back to sitting down with Thorin and Frodo, wondering if maybe he should take over morning childcare for a bit.

Like, until Thorin becomes more of a morning person, or Frodo stops using his tiredness to get into anything and everything ever.

"Stop thinking like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you think asking me to watch him while you take one measly morning shower is somehow imposing on me. I used to live with Dis, Fili and Kili, and if you think I'm not a morning person, you should see Fili and Dis before they've been up for at least two hours. It's a nightmare."

Bilbo sighed and nodded, "Yeah, but Frodo seems to get into everything within moments of waking up."

"Yeah, one time, Kili was tired of waiting for me and Dis to get up to make him breakfast, and tried to bake a cake in a waffle iron. He was four. Same age as Frodo is now, and all Frodo did was decide to make you a pretty picture."

"Yavana, that sounds like it must have been fun. Did he get hurt?"

Thorin shook his head, "Nah, but I did find out that cake can go into a waffle iron that day."

"Sounds great."

"Yeah."

***

"So, it just... kind of... I'm not even sure-"

"Yeah. It's weird."

Bilbo thought about it for a moment before nodding, not taking his eyes off the giant mess that had happened out of the center of Erebor, messes of bottles and brushed all scattered over the floor in between work stations.

Nothing looked broken at least, just really messy.

"The lucky thing is, we finally got him into the cage after he nearly took a chunk out of Dwalin's arm. He's at the hospital with Oin and Gimli getting a rabies shot and four stitches right now. Gonna have to do some major touch up on that gold sickle tattoo when the stitches come out though. Gimli just got some scratches."

Bilbo nodded and cautiously approached the cat carrier Thorin had come into his shop frantically looking for not an hour earlier. He crouched down enough to see the sleeping cat inside. It was bright red and looked rather tuckered out to be honest. It had a missing patch of fur on it's chest and it looked like it might be a burn ark that did it.

"Did you give him something to eat?"

Thorin nodded, "Yeah. Figured once his adrenaline rush went down and he looked more miserable than anything, feeding him and hoping he went to sleep might be best. It worked at least."

"Kay. I should take him over to Beorn's shelter. Maybe he'll be able to tame the beast."

"Good luck."

***

"You're adopting that mangy thing?"

Gandalf looked at Bilbo reproachfully, "Of course I am. And he's no more beast than Smeagol."

"Smeagol may look like a beast, but he's a little sweetheart when he gets to know you. That thing tried to take part of Dwalin's arm off."

"He was panicked."

Bilbo sighed and decided to give Gandalf the benefit of the doubt. "Fine."

Gandalf reached into the carrier and pulled a much more docile looking cat out, taking him into his arms with a gentle touch.

"Are you just getting a cat because you're getting 'empty nest' syndrome?"

"I might be. Lobelia will be going to University soon. I will be once more left alone."

Bilbo smirked, "Oh, c'mon. You love alone time. Gives you that much more opportunity to get into trouble."

"... Yes. It does."

***

"So, you have to watch that menace while Gandalf is out of town?"

Bilbo nodded, looking at the large red and the small grey cats that were slinking in between Frodo and Pippin's legs while they tried to stop and pet them.

It was so cute, it was almost worrying. Bilbo was under no illusions that these four could keep out of trouble for five minutes, much less the whole two days Smaug was going to be staying with them.

"Yeah. He threatened that if I didn't take him, he'd just let him loose in my house when I least expect it. He's taking Lobelia up to visit one of the universities she got accepted to."

Bofur nodded and shook his head in amusement, "Where's Legolas?"

"With Gimli somewhere I assume. He'll be in tomorrow."

Bofur reached into the box he'd brought in and pulled out a small figurine of a dragon, hand carved and everything.

"I fingured I'd bring this by. No one truly loves the carvings me and Bifur do like Frodo does. I just thought he might like it."

Bilbo's eyes lit up, looking excited, "Frodo, darling, come here. Bofur made you something."

The tiny boy toddled up to him, arms reaching out to be picked up while Smaug and Smeagol finally took Pippin down, claiming him as their new bed for the moment while Pippin looked at them in shock. Bilbo spared him a worried glance before shrugging it off when Pippin just sat there and pet them like it had been his idea the whole time.

"Look, baby boy, Bofur made you a special present. Do you know what it is?"

Frodo took the carving and turned it, looking at all angles before turning to Bofur, "Dragon?"

"Yeah, buddy. It's a dragon."

Frodo dropped down from Bilbo's arms and went to go play with Pippin and the cats again, showing Pippin the toy with an excited look.

But really, it wasn't until about two hours later, when Bilbo came into the playroom to find nearly every toy big enough to be moved in the room, moved into a giant pile in the center, that he really wondered if Smaug might be part dragon.

***

"I don't like that cat."

"Me either. He keeps stealing that dragon Bofur made for Frodo. Frodo is very mad at him."

Thorin nodded, glaring at the cat that had stolen the blankets in the living room and was currently nesting in them, looking up at them smugly. Thorin and Bilbo didn't want another biting incident to occur like earlier, when Bilbo was putting Frodo to bed, resulting in Thorin needing to wrap his arm in bandages and annoyed as fuck because he was going to need to touch up several tattoos after this.

The was not happy. They decided to leave the cat to it's awful ways for now.

"Want to just go to bed and watch a movie on my laptop?"

"Yeah."

***

"I don't get how you can handle that evil thing. He's awful."

Gandalf gave Bilbo and Thorin a placating look, "He is most certainly not awful, Bilbo Baggins, he's lonely and doesn't make friends very easily."

"Yeah, because he steals everyone's things."

"...That may be one reason. But he really is a good cat."

"I'll believe that when I see it."

***

"We have our couch back."

"I'm happier than a person really should be about such a little thing."

"Yeah. Me too."


End file.
